I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
