It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
