Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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