I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
