Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
