So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
