I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
