nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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