is your mom at the bar?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize