Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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