dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
