i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did I show you my penis last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize