No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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