I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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