you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she smelled like a LAN party
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
