theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
high people should be assigned attendants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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