Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
