Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
