i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
