butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
