so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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