I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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