i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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