There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
