its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize