Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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