I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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