if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
