the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
