This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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