i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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