it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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