What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
