I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
