I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize