I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
