Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
