U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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