if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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