Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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