just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
