she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
