i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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