i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
