Already got asked if we're dating
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
