Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never joke about your clitoris.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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