her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
