Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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