He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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