Pappa wants mamma naked
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
