its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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