she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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