i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
