Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize