I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
