this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
