So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bring me that man meat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
