dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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