Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
